Revealing the Truth within You

The recent months have been quite challenging.  As my life literally slowed down to a halt (thanks to the divine universe) I was given the opportunity to receive a mini tune up.  Illness is not what most would set as an intention in order to get a little R&R out of life.  However, for some of us who do not seem to heed the warning signs, take scheduled breaks or even bother to check in with our own self care while we busy ourselves being crusaders...this is exactly what happens.  Its the divine intervention that comes along to periodically remind us to wake up, step out and change it up just a bit because the system we have enlisted to operate our daily functions is not proficient.  I being amongst the masses found myself virtually depleted by the time my systems failed. 

Thankful for strong friends and bonded family my journey was one gifted of love and blessings as I navigated my way out of what I had created.  Yes....created, in order to realign my life to something much more befitting for who I was currently becoming.  Being gifted nothing but time I needed to relearn what it meant to "self-care" in a positive way.  As I worked through the feelings of guilt and shame, self-worth and many others illuminating my existence as I traveled down a new path, I found clarity.  Peace of mind that I wasn't caring what society thought of me.  That I wasn't consumed even with what my own mind thought of me.  My only focus was upon resting and fulfilling my exhaustion.  There is great honesty that comes from when we are unable to escape from ourselves.  The honesty that cuts through the half truths, the lies and the fallacies we take on from others to create as our own personal mantras.  Through rest, surgery and recuperation I was able to be realigned with my own true voice once again.  She is one of balance, truth and stamina.

I am hard pressed to believe that we don't change unless we are inspired or forced to do so.  Even then I like to believe we evolve.  Keeping the beauty that is in each of us and creating upon that for a brighter more illuminating self.  We are challenged daily with obstacles set up to help us succeed and grow.  However, in doing so they also challenge our core as well as our principles in how we live.  It is for us and us alone to become stronger then that which we face.  To care more about ourselves then others do for us and to always listen to that deep intuition which tells us when the image we see does not reflect back what we feel.  Each challenge in life is another gifted opportunity for us to become a better version of ourselves.  A chance to sit and ponder if we are living a life that represents who we are and where we want to go.  Its also a moment to acknowledge that we are doing the best that we can, with what we have, based on where we are currently.

I humbly bow before my personal challenge and say, thank you.....thank you for showing me how to live in a different way then I knew before.  Thank you for giving me an excuse to rest when I didn't know how to verbalize it for myself.  Thank you for helping me work through the guilt of saying no and setting even better boundaries then previously.  Thank you for reminding me of my masculine side so therefore my feminine is now balanced.  Thank you for loving me so much that you came in at a time when I needed to learn how to efficiently love myself.  All and all may next time I listen to your gentle whisper so I don't need to pay homage to your violent roar.

~M                       

The Pillars of Our Existence

Throughout our simple lives we meet the most unlikely of characters who become pillars of our existence.  Muses for those who allow themselves to become enamored with the desire to find fuel for their lacklusterous lives.  They build these pillars high and bestow abnormal praise upon them in an attempt to glorify what they have accomplished due to their blinding light.  Are they however truly magnificent?  To the ones who deem them as they are.  To the ones who view their accomplished archives as exuberance achieved within their good graces.  These pillars are viewed as gifts from the Gods.  Presents of pain as well as divine mercy achieved through the acts of suffering.  For the Gods move mountains but their humbles decreet the process.  Do remember though that the most beautiful resurrects from that of a place of pain.

~M

Shimming through the streets of NYC

As I look back on the last time I posted on here I was in the thralls of some major life changes.  A move, an ending, a new life, a renewal and an opening to what was to come.  As many who choose to live a spiritual path know, what we hope for, try to create and plan to obtain rarely happen.  What does happen is the unexpected, the grace and the letting go in order to live a life more in the flow of the universe.  The move vanished after an excruciating 4 months of hard lessons.  The ending prolonged onward and the renewal?  Well....lets just say that life is a continuous renewal of circumstance.  So needless to say after 9 months of heartache, frustration and lackluster feelings I came up with the brilliant idea to take life by the reins once more and live vivaciously.  Where did this courageous idea lead me you ask??  Right into the heart of "The Big Apple" on a spiritual discovery of a lifetime.  Now I wont condone that one needs to asterbate adventure in order to find a little spiritualism.  But I will say that when you have soured of your surrounds what better then to change the scenery.  My entire life I have been comprised by a love affair with NYC.  For no other reason then the chills I gained every time the city was mentioned or seen.  I longed for the excitement and adventure it seemed to loudly boasts.  So what better time to make the leap then after months of anticipated drama.  In a hours time over a glass of wine with a friend the tickets were bought, the trip was planned and the only details were that we were going without there being any details.  True spontaneity!!!  As some of you know from the past I have never allowed myself this freedom.  However, like a dog who has broken his leash and has had a taste of freedom.  I too vow to never go back to my old ways ever again.         

Answer The Question Playing In My Mind.....Guess The Truth Within My Heart

Tonight I sit, ponder and wonder.  As I caste an image of questionable doubt.  Am I what people see me as and what that is I have a doubt.  An image of eluding light.  A glimpse of glittering spiraling sight.  A reflection off someone else's airs.  An uncapturing being with flowing hair.  A wondrous movement.  A bellowing sight.  A justified mirage of captivation and hype.  A spiritual voice with rhythmic usage.  A gentle being or perhaps just a diversion.  A breath of air every once in a while.  A sensuous taste, part of the experience.  A question, a verb, an it or a noun.  The thoughts within continue to spiritual down.  Until at last I escape into the silence.  The peace of what stands before me in conclusion.  No more thoughts just restful knowledge from the image that stares back at me.  The deep meaning within the pooling eyes.  Threads of evidence of wisdom and time.  Not hidden from view, nor portrayed in the open.  There for viewing if the one glimpsing is truthful.  Come a little closure.  Step to the side.  Look again do you see it this time?  Perhaps a guess but just in passing.  The truth is there if the time spent is longer then glancing.  No.  Perhaps not yet but in time.  The image will emerge  forth with a gentle pride.  Fore, all that is needed is deep inside.  Looking, waiting, giving time for when the glimpse is justified.  Still not pardoned, your guess is incorrect.  The question has changed and their isn't time for another attempt.  Movement is made on behalf of the one in the mirror.  Surrender....your thoughts.  Surrender....your fear.  Until the game is played again.  A standoff remains without a win.  The pattern replays itself again and again until persistence allows one with the truth to finally come in.  
~M      

The Lady Lark

As we dive deeper into 2012 the changes just keep coming!!  The recent purchase of another home has made allowances for some new year cleaning .  As I prepare to end my love affair with my current historical gem, I must say goodbye to some of the items accumulated along the way.  This past weekend as I begun to sort and box up contents of the garage I ran across a stack of papers in a far corner.  Amongst those papers to my surprise was an undated poem I had written years prior.  I'm unsure as to what I was eluding to in the poem, but here it is anyways for your delight.

The Lady Lark

Comes says the lady lark I will sing you a song about a love that once was but somehow went mistakenly wrong.  I will sing a tale of sorrow from my bearded breast and from it you will hear of wisdom put to an unfathomable test.  

Come says the lady lark sit by me and ponder, about a time where loves heart kept solance in wonder.  Years wasted through and through.  Still lessons unlearned.  True loves hand wipes ones own tears wept through hurt.  Inability to break the silence rung true by another.  Push and pull the sacred circles thou shall not break.  Captured with the burden of love, which doesn't take.

Come says the lady lark I will provide you with a guide.  To take away all that hurts and lock it away from you for the time.  Answers are not yours until the chime of the golden dawn.  So sit on my cherish stump and look beyond the wavy lines.  Stand before the palms that appear before innocent eyes.  Pure heart, pure soul, no time for pride.

Come says the lady lark let me tell you the tale of another.  Whose disposition is taught to fight loves grace and never to surrender.  A solider of such, whose lines tell a story of beseech.  Whose own story is so convincingly jaded there is no room for their soul to sleep.

Come says the lady lark as it descends from its stance.  To capture a glimpse of the love whose hand presumes to continuously feed.  I offer you empty promises and words of broken tales.  Yet, you continue to feed me the last of your entrails.  To give so deeply of yourself when I am only fit to sing.  This song of love that once was but somehow went mistakenly wrong.
~M

The Birds of The Garden

As I finished my last yoga session of the day, taking a moment to feel the warm Cali sunlight streaming through the large front window.  I instantly became captivated by the emerald green sparkling off the backs of a pair of hummingbirds fluttering before me.  "Hello, my beloved friends" I called out.  Welcoming their high spiritedness and vigorous as they carried on beckoning me to join in their gallant dance.  Taking only but a moment to decide that today would be a fine day to join in and do some gardening.

I quickly grabbed my flip flops and throw open the french doors to allow the warmth outside to greet my body.  80 degrees in January is what I call perfection!!!!  Picking up the watering hose and delightfully giving the delicate plants a spray down, I noticed the remains of aphids upon my heirloom climbing roses.  Not one to use pesticides, I had decided to leave the former summertime problem to Mother Nature to sort out for me.  Choosing to resort to chemicals if need be as an end result.

However, Mother Nature had handled the problem beautifully by inviting a hundred or more finches to feed.  As I washed the remains off the roses, filled the bird baths and fountains with fresh water, I delightfully watched as the birds joyfully began to bathe.  Such simplicity found amongst these tiny creatures.  As they went about their business, unaware of my presence.  Chasing one another around, indulging upon the harvest bird seed left out for them and enjoying the camaraderie of one another.  I listened to their rhythmic song played out as it lifted my heart and allowed my soul to sail to a space far from where my feet touched the ground.  As I gracefully slumped down, soon finding myself in a lotus position, I begin to meditate.

Following the minut breeze as I inhaled and exhaled a 4-4-8 sequence.  Instantly my third eye began to warm and my crown gently opened to my higher self.  Quietening my ego for a moment in time to receive the valuable answers I always welcome receiving.  I released any form of control as I soared through colors and images, allowing my body this time to further unfold.  As I gently opened my eyes about a good twenty minutes later, I bowed my head this time in Namaste to the Birds Of My Garden (or perhaps theirs) for beckoning me to come join them today.  To change the pace and instead of systematically meditating on the mat, to get really grounded with my bottom grounded to....well, the ground.

Today I give gratitude, not only to the tiny creatures but to Spirit as well for the ingenious way of keeping me committed to my thoughts, wants and desires.  It was only yesterday in which I mentioned briefly my idea to want to relinquish routine.  To experience life and what I needed to achieve, anywhere....everywhere.  Instead of through how, "I thought" it had to be done.  Today was a perfect example of that fruition.  As I focus on keeping my mind clear, my heart open and my thoughts simple as well as pure, I excite over the possibility of further growth.  Today the Birds Of The Garden will be shown my ever growing gratitude for them, by receiving a handful of blackberries along with their seed.
~M

               
"No Bird soars too high if he soars with his own wings"
                     William Blake (1757-1827)

As One Chapter Ends Another Begins.

As I prepare to say goodbye to 2011, I glance back on the lessons learned and  accomplishments achieved.  Blissful that some chapters have ended in my life, others are ending and a few that need to find there way to an end.  I acknowledge all I have gone through and prepare to continue to go through until lessons are eventually fully learnt.  The thing with lessons....They never "just disappear".  They do come back later in life to resurrect like old soldiers, to test and push ones limits again and again.  In an attempt to finally be understood and perhaps even put to rest for once and for all.

Too say that this year was smooth would be a drastic misinterpretation upon my part.  Pushed beyond limits I normally would never have dreamt to cross.  I found myself for the fist time surrendering to many things I normally would have had the energy or spirit to want to fight.  There is something to be said for true surrendering. Not that found out of weakness of will but that found out of finding true peace within.  That place where one finally admits to oneself that to go on in the direction formally chosen would be a determent to oneself as well as all involved.

Surrender, was not one of my easiest achievable task.  However, after enough waves crashed down upon me this entire year I finally submitted to what was, is or will be.  As I find my way to other paths, I focus on restructuring and elongating my former ideas into a new image.  Have I learned this lesson completely?  I'm sure the answer would be no but I am however, farther along then when I started.  I am certainly stronger then I once was and I have faith that all I have endured is for my highest purpose.  Fore, as much as I have questioned my faith and trust in spirit profusely this year;  I have somehow never felt closer.

The wounds are still fresh.  The images still raw from the challenges and battles fought.  The lessons still needing to be processed and absorbed fully, but I give abundant thanks to the tremendous support within my life.  Here on earth and above for sustaining me when I felt I couldn't.  When I felt I was broken.  Fore, in those darkest times the light shined even more magnificent and I could (if just for a moment) realize all was not lost.

It is true what they say....How angels live amongst us.  I have had the eminent pleasure of meeting many who have graced me with their love, kindness and generosity of spirit.  Many who have come to seek my support and in return have sustained life within me instead. I give repeated thanks to all I have been given.  Although this year will stick out in my mind for many to come.  I pay homage to my spirit still being here to further learn.  Happy New Years my beloveds and may your journeys be just as blessed in whatever path you chose.   *Big Hugs*
~M