For most of us the art of communicating can be a rather intricate dance. That which if forced in any one direction can throw off the delicate balance causing one or both partners to be thrown into a misstep. This year I have geared myself towards helping co-lead others into a more honest and authentic existence with themselves. This co-leading has also been a way to introduce them (as well as myself) to speak openly, honestly and freely from the center within. A beautiful notion, but what happens when communication goes awry? When one persons truth becomes quite different then another's. When perspectives change and both parties are engaged in what they believe is their own set truth? Their honesty. Their given perspective. What then?
Recently I found myself in a situation in which any other time would have lead me to speak a different truth. A truth sounding something like this..."Oh, that's ok. Don't worry about it." Something I have found myself stating far too often in the past. To myself mainly but also to others when I felt conflict was going to win, be more intrusive then the actual ordeal itself, or take too much time to thoroughly explain on my part. This same dialogue would repeat itself in my head for hours, days, even sometimes weeks depending on the scenario. This constant banter within causing myself to become a prisoner of my own self imposed conundrum. I would berate myself later for abandoning myself when I needed myself to be present.
Through quiet observation and some wonderful new tools in my tool box I have learned to better honor the voice within. For better or for worse. Which has resulted in me making some major life changes regarding whom I wish to engage intimately in my life. Friendships are wonderful interactions when they mutual benefit both parties. Far from it when they exhibit manipulation, control and various other attributes beneficial for ones own personal gain. Now lets be honest. As human beings we are agenda based. Even if that agenda is simply to give and receive love from one another.
The gift we posses more then any other is our ability to love and be loving. Even when interactions with others have far surpassed their allotted time in our lives, we have the option to let go with love. To be loving in our words and remain loving within our hearts as time floats by. Is this to say we must withhold our own personal truth in order to be loving? Absolutely not! I do however believe that many times the truth can be said in a way that allows both parties to take from it what they may. Remembering that even the most loving words uttered can be perceived as daggers to a person with a closed heart. When in doubt take the time to observe, reflect and then precede forward when the time calls for it. Some of the wisest people are the quietest. When they speak, their words often have the tendency to be some of the loudest.
As each of us continue to grow and persevere within our own lives we hope to cultivate friendships that will grow along with us. For those who don't, we wish them well as they exit the doors held open for them. Knowing fully they have served us well for the time being. Rather your friendship is 6 months or twenty years goodbyes can often be extremely bittersweet. All part of the symbolism of that wonderful, majestic dance.
~M
Thursday, May 23, 2013
Wednesday, May 22, 2013
Becoming That Girl
When I was younger I used to dream living a life full of adventure and discovery. Being an avid reader helped me create quite the imagination. One where I would travel to far off lands in search of treasures and experiences. I would envision myself much braver then the timid youth sprawled out amongst the grass daydreaming away. In these dreams I was independent, fearless and conquering. As with most of us life happens, adulthood takes hold and the need to be practical takes ownership of our lives. But for the fortunate some and the haphazard few who fight the trend they create for themselves a repertoire that one could only wish for. As the years quickly passed by I found my contentment in others. Hearing their stories of a life lived that I could only wish for but knew full well I would never allow myself to lead. I would fall into their rhymatic trance as they described in full detail far away places and soul quenching yearnings put to rest after pursuing such trips. I would always leave thinking to myself, One Day! One day that will be me who will take the leap of faith.
What I came to realize over the course of these last few months is this. One day doesn't ever come around unless one creates a reason for it to do so. Unless one chooses to walk on a different side of the street or consciously avoid the hole which leads to the same limited thinking. "Becoming That Girl" doesn't occur over night nor with the same goal minded mentality used previously. Upon finishing up Anna David's book Falling for Me, I quickly was inspired to also make some improvements and take some risks. I started by doing the impractical and donated my entire closet to charity. Poof! All of it other then a couple favorite items. I came to realize that I was convincing myself that my style was truly my style just because I could afford it to be. Not because I wanted it to be. So out went the old and in came the new. A more paired down, honest and strict system. One that I borrowed from my time spent in NYC last year after seeing how city dwellers lived within such small confines. I can certainly assure you that each time I open my closet doors now I am in LOVE.
Dream big, dream bold and dream for you. I started a foundation last year. A dream that I held within my heart since my long ago college days. A dream I said repetitively I would get to when the timing was right. What I have learned from spending time with mothers is this....The timing is never right! Not for having a baby, buying that ridiculously expensive leather handbag in trendy orange, or for starting a foundation. There will always be a reason to find an excuse, a need to proclaim the expense will be too costly and for someone to convince you otherwise. Give yourself permission to shrink your DREAMS if you need to. Sometimes thinking small is not always lethal. Despite what consumers may say.
Most importantly take risks. Whatever it is that you define as a risks. For some this may be having dessert for breakfast. Others perhaps a little more life threatening like white water rafting. Whatever the choice may be, honor your soul in the process. Get real on what your risks are for you and YOU alone. Years ago my childhood friend and I made a pack that when we turned 35 we would go skydiving. Well, as it appears that time is currently upon us and as I await her return from Europe I look forward to crossing that endeavor off of my list. Am I apprehensive? Absolutely. However, the feeling of never experiencing such a thing leaves me even more apprehensive. In my opinion 35 years old is a much better time to experience it then at lets say 80. To all the 80 year old's who have...You are my heroes.
STOP doubting yourself before you get a chance to try it. In high school I severely injured my knees from running and competition. To the point that I was informed my likelihood of having knee replacement surgery was extremely high. I gave up running for years and only until last year did I feel inspired to do something about a goal I once had for myself. I always imagined myself running a half marathon. I watched and cheered many of my friends on from the sidelines. Living passionately through them and their successes. Last year I put my best foot forward and completed the Vegas Half for myself, instead of for time. I eliminated the inner dialogue that my knees couldn't sustain the endurance and found that what my knees couldn't stand, was my lack of faith in myself. I finished, recovered and felt so inspired that I have begin to train for the LA Marathon for next year. The best advice I have ever been given is this, "Don't stop yourself before you have had a chance to grow."
One time in your life consider doing what you fear most and then Do It! I have always wanted to spend time in a distant place and experience life through other peoples eyes. Mainly for charitable pursuits and to be of service to others who are greatly in need. Over the years I have considered the peacecore, visiting and staying in ashrams, etc. However, none of those choices have ever come to fruition nor have I pursued them aggressively enough. Recently through a quiet moment I meditated on where I was to be lead to next. Something I do rather often as I look towards universal guidance to spark the flame for my next endeavor. The next day a yoga student of mine informed me of a program where I could teach yoga in Hawaii for a month in exchange for food and board. Now to be quite honest any other time the thought of being away from home for an entire month would terrify me. Not to mention provoke feelings of homesickness before I have set out to buy my ticket and board a plan. This time however, the feeling is very different. One of excitement and intrigue. I have yet to receive all the details but to even consider such an outlandish idea has me feeling alive again.
What I have come to discover is that while I was in search of "Becoming That Girl" I became her. There is still much I wish to experience and many more adventures I hope to add to my own repertoire but in the process I have become someone I can be proud of. Rather I ever make it to a foreign land or not is besides the point. Its all the knowledge, wisdom and events I have stumbled upon throughout the process that is the most rewarding.
~M
What I came to realize over the course of these last few months is this. One day doesn't ever come around unless one creates a reason for it to do so. Unless one chooses to walk on a different side of the street or consciously avoid the hole which leads to the same limited thinking. "Becoming That Girl" doesn't occur over night nor with the same goal minded mentality used previously. Upon finishing up Anna David's book Falling for Me, I quickly was inspired to also make some improvements and take some risks. I started by doing the impractical and donated my entire closet to charity. Poof! All of it other then a couple favorite items. I came to realize that I was convincing myself that my style was truly my style just because I could afford it to be. Not because I wanted it to be. So out went the old and in came the new. A more paired down, honest and strict system. One that I borrowed from my time spent in NYC last year after seeing how city dwellers lived within such small confines. I can certainly assure you that each time I open my closet doors now I am in LOVE.
Dream big, dream bold and dream for you. I started a foundation last year. A dream that I held within my heart since my long ago college days. A dream I said repetitively I would get to when the timing was right. What I have learned from spending time with mothers is this....The timing is never right! Not for having a baby, buying that ridiculously expensive leather handbag in trendy orange, or for starting a foundation. There will always be a reason to find an excuse, a need to proclaim the expense will be too costly and for someone to convince you otherwise. Give yourself permission to shrink your DREAMS if you need to. Sometimes thinking small is not always lethal. Despite what consumers may say.
Most importantly take risks. Whatever it is that you define as a risks. For some this may be having dessert for breakfast. Others perhaps a little more life threatening like white water rafting. Whatever the choice may be, honor your soul in the process. Get real on what your risks are for you and YOU alone. Years ago my childhood friend and I made a pack that when we turned 35 we would go skydiving. Well, as it appears that time is currently upon us and as I await her return from Europe I look forward to crossing that endeavor off of my list. Am I apprehensive? Absolutely. However, the feeling of never experiencing such a thing leaves me even more apprehensive. In my opinion 35 years old is a much better time to experience it then at lets say 80. To all the 80 year old's who have...You are my heroes.
STOP doubting yourself before you get a chance to try it. In high school I severely injured my knees from running and competition. To the point that I was informed my likelihood of having knee replacement surgery was extremely high. I gave up running for years and only until last year did I feel inspired to do something about a goal I once had for myself. I always imagined myself running a half marathon. I watched and cheered many of my friends on from the sidelines. Living passionately through them and their successes. Last year I put my best foot forward and completed the Vegas Half for myself, instead of for time. I eliminated the inner dialogue that my knees couldn't sustain the endurance and found that what my knees couldn't stand, was my lack of faith in myself. I finished, recovered and felt so inspired that I have begin to train for the LA Marathon for next year. The best advice I have ever been given is this, "Don't stop yourself before you have had a chance to grow."
One time in your life consider doing what you fear most and then Do It! I have always wanted to spend time in a distant place and experience life through other peoples eyes. Mainly for charitable pursuits and to be of service to others who are greatly in need. Over the years I have considered the peacecore, visiting and staying in ashrams, etc. However, none of those choices have ever come to fruition nor have I pursued them aggressively enough. Recently through a quiet moment I meditated on where I was to be lead to next. Something I do rather often as I look towards universal guidance to spark the flame for my next endeavor. The next day a yoga student of mine informed me of a program where I could teach yoga in Hawaii for a month in exchange for food and board. Now to be quite honest any other time the thought of being away from home for an entire month would terrify me. Not to mention provoke feelings of homesickness before I have set out to buy my ticket and board a plan. This time however, the feeling is very different. One of excitement and intrigue. I have yet to receive all the details but to even consider such an outlandish idea has me feeling alive again.
What I have come to discover is that while I was in search of "Becoming That Girl" I became her. There is still much I wish to experience and many more adventures I hope to add to my own repertoire but in the process I have become someone I can be proud of. Rather I ever make it to a foreign land or not is besides the point. Its all the knowledge, wisdom and events I have stumbled upon throughout the process that is the most rewarding.
~M
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