As I prepare to say goodbye to 2011, I glance back on the lessons learned and accomplishments achieved. Blissful that some chapters have ended in my life, others are ending and a few that need to find there way to an end. I acknowledge all I have gone through and prepare to continue to go through until lessons are eventually fully learnt. The thing with lessons....They never "just disappear". They do come back later in life to resurrect like old soldiers, to test and push ones limits again and again. In an attempt to finally be understood and perhaps even put to rest for once and for all.
Too say that this year was smooth would be a drastic misinterpretation upon my part. Pushed beyond limits I normally would never have dreamt to cross. I found myself for the fist time surrendering to many things I normally would have had the energy or spirit to want to fight. There is something to be said for true surrendering. Not that found out of weakness of will but that found out of finding true peace within. That place where one finally admits to oneself that to go on in the direction formally chosen would be a determent to oneself as well as all involved.
Surrender, was not one of my easiest achievable task. However, after enough waves crashed down upon me this entire year I finally submitted to what was, is or will be. As I find my way to other paths, I focus on restructuring and elongating my former ideas into a new image. Have I learned this lesson completely? I'm sure the answer would be no but I am however, farther along then when I started. I am certainly stronger then I once was and I have faith that all I have endured is for my highest purpose. Fore, as much as I have questioned my faith and trust in spirit profusely this year; I have somehow never felt closer.
The wounds are still fresh. The images still raw from the challenges and battles fought. The lessons still needing to be processed and absorbed fully, but I give abundant thanks to the tremendous support within my life. Here on earth and above for sustaining me when I felt I couldn't. When I felt I was broken. Fore, in those darkest times the light shined even more magnificent and I could (if just for a moment) realize all was not lost.
It is true what they say....How angels live amongst us. I have had the eminent pleasure of meeting many who have graced me with their love, kindness and generosity of spirit. Many who have come to seek my support and in return have sustained life within me instead. I give repeated thanks to all I have been given. Although this year will stick out in my mind for many to come. I pay homage to my spirit still being here to further learn. Happy New Years my beloveds and may your journeys be just as blessed in whatever path you chose. *Big Hugs*
~M
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Looking Glass
As I set my goals for 2012 I peak with excitement over the thought of actually getting some of my works published. One of my many goals for years now. I finally feel the need, want and yes...Shall I dare say it. The desire to want to embark on that type of an adventure this upcoming year. As the shifts occur, yearnings heighten and ideas blossom. What better time then the year of the Mayan calender to allow myself to make these things happen. So....I leave you with another tidbit from my steamer trunk of marvels to read, be inspired by and hopefully feel your own tingling of desire to live life authentically and most of all audaciously.
Looking Glass
She looks through the looking glass with unassuming wonder. All she sees is the youthful appearance, lasting love and happiness distorted. Her smile, she smiles shows the test of ecstasy uncovered. A childlike appearance at the grace of being discovered. The joy which would start as a subtle note becomes quite something more. Before she knows it her eyes are filled with contempt where callousness once sought.
He looks through the looking glass and all he sees is distorted clutter. A vague picture of what could be but too time consuming to discover. He conquers through the excess and gets to the prize. A pint size pearl he claims as his for his deserving time. He doesn't look back in fear, fore he may see. All that illuminates is more then just the beautiful pearls sheen. Taken by such a collection, he keeps it close within his grasp. To brag and boast of his heroic past. He awes and marvels at it every once in awhile. Even though its cream, he dearly wishes it were anything but such.
This pearl of uncontaminated beauty, with its illustrious sheen. Has now begin to crack around the edges from his constant mishandling. The creaminess can no longer maintain its pureness and begins to turn to grey. It dissolves its creamiest parts somewhere in attempts that no one will seek to see. Soon he caste aside the pearl into a box. Along with keys and such that have long outlived their duty, as masters of the lock.
She looks through the looking glass and all this time she sees, is what is....Instead of once what could be. A grim and bleak existence of the illumination to the thought of what once was. She grips the handle tighter and peering deeper into the glass does she. To discover what lies deep beneath the surface is that of a true mystery.
The glass provides her with no more information for it has outlived its stay. Instead when she looks into it this time all she sees is she. Just a faintness of cream remains within the inner source. Not at all as luminous as once was but very much wanting to be restored.
~M
Looking Glass
She looks through the looking glass with unassuming wonder. All she sees is the youthful appearance, lasting love and happiness distorted. Her smile, she smiles shows the test of ecstasy uncovered. A childlike appearance at the grace of being discovered. The joy which would start as a subtle note becomes quite something more. Before she knows it her eyes are filled with contempt where callousness once sought.
He looks through the looking glass and all he sees is distorted clutter. A vague picture of what could be but too time consuming to discover. He conquers through the excess and gets to the prize. A pint size pearl he claims as his for his deserving time. He doesn't look back in fear, fore he may see. All that illuminates is more then just the beautiful pearls sheen. Taken by such a collection, he keeps it close within his grasp. To brag and boast of his heroic past. He awes and marvels at it every once in awhile. Even though its cream, he dearly wishes it were anything but such.
This pearl of uncontaminated beauty, with its illustrious sheen. Has now begin to crack around the edges from his constant mishandling. The creaminess can no longer maintain its pureness and begins to turn to grey. It dissolves its creamiest parts somewhere in attempts that no one will seek to see. Soon he caste aside the pearl into a box. Along with keys and such that have long outlived their duty, as masters of the lock.
She looks through the looking glass and all this time she sees, is what is....Instead of once what could be. A grim and bleak existence of the illumination to the thought of what once was. She grips the handle tighter and peering deeper into the glass does she. To discover what lies deep beneath the surface is that of a true mystery.
The glass provides her with no more information for it has outlived its stay. Instead when she looks into it this time all she sees is she. Just a faintness of cream remains within the inner source. Not at all as luminous as once was but very much wanting to be restored.
~M
Friday, December 23, 2011
Black Feather....Black Feather....Tis Is I Who Sees You
As most of you are aware of I recently lost my Great Aunt to cancer this year. Having made it to her ninety first Birthday, her life was far from boring. She was a tenaciously strong-willed and fathomable women. One whom I honored and cherished as a role model for many of my various endeavors. Always there as a backer in all I chose to take on, I basked in her naches of me. Since the day of her passing, I have been repeatedly gifted with black feathers. Now those of my dearest and closest know well my home is nothing but a feather haven. Down pillows and comforters, couch cushions and feather lined garments. However, I rarely find black feathers floating throughout my home, car and varies visited establishments.
That has of course all changed these last two weeks. First impression was a proverbial feeling of warmth and compassion that yes indeed spirit was mourning along beside me. Supporting me in my humanistic time of grief and sorrow. That quickly changed as the days drew on and the feathers quickly increased. Black feathers on my pillow case upon waking up. Black feathers on a restaurant table. Black feathers on a public sink counter, in a photo album, in the car console, at a friends house and even one small black feather lying across my cats back. Rather its symbolic of her passing, her presence still with me (even in the after life) or simply a clue that certain times have come to an end. I honor the symbol bestowed upon me. This black feather consort. I give thanks not only to the unknown, but also to my newly heightened awareness to see such gifting as truly a gift.
~M
That has of course all changed these last two weeks. First impression was a proverbial feeling of warmth and compassion that yes indeed spirit was mourning along beside me. Supporting me in my humanistic time of grief and sorrow. That quickly changed as the days drew on and the feathers quickly increased. Black feathers on my pillow case upon waking up. Black feathers on a restaurant table. Black feathers on a public sink counter, in a photo album, in the car console, at a friends house and even one small black feather lying across my cats back. Rather its symbolic of her passing, her presence still with me (even in the after life) or simply a clue that certain times have come to an end. I honor the symbol bestowed upon me. This black feather consort. I give thanks not only to the unknown, but also to my newly heightened awareness to see such gifting as truly a gift.
~M
Thursday, December 22, 2011
Welcoming "The Pointe" Into My Life Creating a Peaceful Heart
Every since I could remember I have been enthralled with ballet. The grace and precision of movements. The beauty and gleam of the elegant costumes worn during productions like the Nutcracker or Sleeping Beauty. The beauty captured through years of dedication, hard work and discipline, creating a master piece to be shared by the general public. As a little girl placed in every dance class but ballet I envied my friends who were. Classified as having weak ankles early on I was cast aside to to take up activities like tap, tumbling and equestrian riding. However, my heart always belonged to the rhythem of ballet. Fast forwarding decades ahead and now at the ripe age of thirty three I have begun to finally live my childhood dream.
As any Guru will tell you. To dream big is to embrace life. So taking the advice of the Gurus who have graced my former years I decided in a instant to embrace my hearts desire and quickly immersed myself into "The Pointe" or rather the beginner positions of grace. After years of studying yoga I felt there was never a better time to achieve discipline and expand my present day knowledge of the human form. Therefore, choosing to study ballet, that which repetitiously tries and taxes the body. No sooner did I utter my words of want and desire did I become blessed by the Universe. Receiving private lessons from a former yoga client of mine who danced in the New York City Ballet. Having had her own studio and now formerly retired, CD agreed to take me on as her one and only private student. Oh the excitement and glee that penetrated my body transforming me into not that of the present day adult but instead that of the child who's miraculous wish was finally coming true.
I watched as my family, friends and clients honored my decision to dance and supported my efforts. Not only with encouragement but with ballet shoes, outfits and reading material. Basking in their love and praise I have found that it truly is never too late to live out a dream. In the end it is "We" who put a stop to our inner most desires. We who limit proceeding forward. We who's negative self-talk creeps in to destroy that which is beautiful, pure and whole. Telling us lies about not being good enough, pretty enough or young enough. In the end it is We who limit the possibilities for ourselves. When and only when We are able to achieve balance within and calm the voice inside can We further succeed. As I learn intense discipline, curbing the want to cry as my body and positions are rigorously picked over. Allowing the pain I feel within my body to keep me present as I rest my foot on the barre. I finally find myself becoming my own best friend as I leave a lesson tattered, sweaty and looking in shambles. Today I give homage to my practice of yoga through my practice of ballet, relishing in a peaceful heart as I lay silently in Shavasana (Corpse pose). Giving quiet thanks to have this chance to just surrender.....to what currently just is.
~M
As any Guru will tell you. To dream big is to embrace life. So taking the advice of the Gurus who have graced my former years I decided in a instant to embrace my hearts desire and quickly immersed myself into "The Pointe" or rather the beginner positions of grace. After years of studying yoga I felt there was never a better time to achieve discipline and expand my present day knowledge of the human form. Therefore, choosing to study ballet, that which repetitiously tries and taxes the body. No sooner did I utter my words of want and desire did I become blessed by the Universe. Receiving private lessons from a former yoga client of mine who danced in the New York City Ballet. Having had her own studio and now formerly retired, CD agreed to take me on as her one and only private student. Oh the excitement and glee that penetrated my body transforming me into not that of the present day adult but instead that of the child who's miraculous wish was finally coming true.
I watched as my family, friends and clients honored my decision to dance and supported my efforts. Not only with encouragement but with ballet shoes, outfits and reading material. Basking in their love and praise I have found that it truly is never too late to live out a dream. In the end it is "We" who put a stop to our inner most desires. We who limit proceeding forward. We who's negative self-talk creeps in to destroy that which is beautiful, pure and whole. Telling us lies about not being good enough, pretty enough or young enough. In the end it is We who limit the possibilities for ourselves. When and only when We are able to achieve balance within and calm the voice inside can We further succeed. As I learn intense discipline, curbing the want to cry as my body and positions are rigorously picked over. Allowing the pain I feel within my body to keep me present as I rest my foot on the barre. I finally find myself becoming my own best friend as I leave a lesson tattered, sweaty and looking in shambles. Today I give homage to my practice of yoga through my practice of ballet, relishing in a peaceful heart as I lay silently in Shavasana (Corpse pose). Giving quiet thanks to have this chance to just surrender.....to what currently just is.
~M
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